Stop Saying These Things to Job Seekers (Even If You Think You're Helping)
When someone you care about is going through a rough patch—especially job loss—it’s our human nature to want to help. You want to say something that makes them feel better. So you reach for those well-meaning phrases we've all heard a thousand times:
"You've got to break down to break through!"
"The universe is pointing you in a new direction!"
"You're going to look back on this day and realize it's the best thing that ever happened to you!"
Here's the thing: You're not providing the comfort and support you think you are.
Why These Phrases Don't Work (And Actually Make Things Worse)
After working with job seekers for over 20 years, I can tell you with absolute certainty that these phrases are not what people want to hear when they're in crisis mode. And yes, losing your job IS a crisis.
Right now, job seekers are dealing with anxiety levels that are through the roof. They're scared about losing their homes, putting food on the table, and wondering how they're going to explain this gap on their resume. The job market numbers don't lie—we're losing thousands of jobs daily. Just last month alone, we lost over 30,000 jobs, and experts aren't predicting things will improve anytime soon.
So when you tell someone who's terrified about their financial future that "the universe has a plan," what you're essentially doing is dismissing their very real, very valid fear. You're trying to put a positive spin on something that feels absolutely devastating to them in the moment.
What Job Seekers Actually Need (According to Science and Experience)
So what should you do instead? Just say nothing? Pretend everything's fine? Absolutely not.
Here's what I've learned works: empowerment through knowledge.
When someone is in full-blown anxiety mode, their brain is stuck on repeat, playing this awful mental movie of worst-case scenarios over and over again. Every door looks closed. Every option seems impossible. They can't see a way forward because their brain is literally trapped in fear mode.
The antidote to this isn't toxic positivity or spiritual platitudes. It's actionable information that opens their mind to new possibilities.
The Power of Opening One Door
Think about it: when you learn something new—a strategy you hadn't considered, a perspective you hadn't explored, a skill you already have that's more valuable than you realized—something shifts. That knowledge creates a crack in the wall of anxiety. It lets some of that pent-up fear escape. Suddenly, instead of seeing only closed doors, you start to notice options. Possibilities. Paths forward.
That's empowerment. And empowerment is what reduces anxiety and helps people start making better decisions.
You Can't Make Good Decisions When You're Drowning in Emotion
Here's the brutal truth: when your anxiety is at an all-time high, you're not capable of making your best decisions. Your brain is in survival mode, and survival mode isn't strategic. It's reactive. It's panicked. It's desperate.
That's why phrases like "everything happens for a reason" don't just fail to help—they can actually increase someone's stress. Because now, on top of being terrified about their situation, they feel like they're SUPPOSED to be grateful for it or see some silver lining they can't possibly see yet.
What You CAN Do to Actually Help
Instead of offering empty reassurances, offer real resources. Share information. Connect them with people who can provide concrete guidance. Point them toward training that will give them practical tools and strategies.
That's exactly why I created my free Monetize Your Mind training. Because if there's one gift I can give to the millions of people right now who are dealing with crushing anxiety about their careers, it's knowledge that empowers them to take action.
This training helps you understand what's happening historically in the job market right now—and more importantly, what you can do about it with the knowledge and tools you already have. It shows you how to make a pivot that can help you start feeling better and seeing new opportunities.
We've got to help people reduce their anxiety so they can start making better decisions and seeing real opportunities. That's how we get through this together.
Go get ‘em!
J.T. O’Donnell
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